Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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