I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
