Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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