when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
