ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
