I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
