If you die in college, do you die in real life?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
