She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
