Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
