her vagina looked like bernie madoff
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
