id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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