He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
