R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
