I feel great
I just peed on a car
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
