i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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