and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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