It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
