i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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