First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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