dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
