I must be too annoying 4 u.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
