Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
