just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
