dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
