I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
