the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
