Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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