We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
