Will you blow on my dice?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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