I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Boobs speak an international language.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
