defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
