i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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