yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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