Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
