I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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