remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
