I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
