okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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