girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
