I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
