I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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