The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
