Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you didnt know i had herpes?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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