Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
