It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
