I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
