at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
