No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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