maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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