I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
