There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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