I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
