Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
