with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
