no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
