Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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