So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
