i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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