Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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