Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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