You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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