dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
