Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
