Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
