Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
