exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize