Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
