do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
