she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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