whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
