Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My dick has a subreddit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
